芭比公仔…..的快樂

小時候，看著我第一個擁有的芭比公仔，很想知道芭比公仔－你快樂嗎？ 對於女孩子來說，快樂就是擁有漂亮的外表、可愛的笑容、明亮的大眼睛和穿不完的華麗衣服。 芭比公仔，妳已擁有一切，妳應該很快樂！

是的，芭比公仔知道自己應該很快樂。它擁有漂亮的外表，雖然它知道那只是一個塑膠，沒有體溫、沒有情緒、沒有感覺。 它擁有美麗的笑容，雖然它不能說話、不能哭、不能叫。 它擁有漂亮的衣服，雖然它不能選擇自己喜歡的衣服，任由他人將它妝扮成一個漂亮的洋娃娃。 芭比公仔原本只是一塊沒有形狀的塑膠，能作為一個洋娃娃，己是它存在的最大用途，所以它應該很快樂。

直到一天，芭比公仔被遺棄了，它再沒有漂亮的衣服，它被掉進一個漆黑的塑膠回收箱中。 她感到害怕但很快樂，因為在回收箱中它不用再害怕被遺棄，現在它只是塑膠，一塊即將循環再用的塑膠。芭比公仔不停地想它會變成怎麼呢…一個毫不起眼的塑膠水桶…一個擺放雜物的塑膠箱…或是它會再一次成為一個芭比公仔。 芭比公仔笑了，因為它發現無論變成什麼，它都是一塊塑膠，一塊循環不息，能發揮不同作用的塑膠。

        我在一個很舊很舊的玩具箱中找回我童年時的芭比公仔。 我從來不捨得將它丟掉，因為我覺得芭比公仔可憐、弧獨、寂寞。 我不忍將它丟掉在垃圾箱中，唯一能做到的是用我的玩具箱去將它好好保存。 我再一次問我的芭比公仔－你快樂嗎？她依然是一個只懂笑不懂說話的塑膠公仔、但它的眼睛像告訴我：「我很快樂、因為我是一個塑膠的芭比公仔。」我拿著我的芭比公仔，放進了一個塑膠回收箱、想著她即將會變成什麼用途的塑膠、想著這一塊塑膠將會為這世界作出什麼貢獻！

Lorna Wong

30-1-2007

救命！！！

連續３日假期都要留係屋企, 真係好慘!! 又要讀GRE, 又要寫Paper, 又要完成Mental Competence 個Project, 全部都要今個星期內攪掂, 想做死我咩! 假期都無得出去玩, 就快變自閉喇, 今朝照鏡, 見到自己面青口唇白, 頭髮蓬鬆個樣, 真係好應節, 似足Halloween 攝青鬼! 希望攪得掂呢...唉...真係好唔想做, 好想拿住包卡樂B, 然後呆望電視20個鐘....算啦, 都後唔好妄想喇, 繼續努力啦!!!

I finally finished the interview last Thursday¡K.I guess I did not do very good on it but I feel a lot better after I finished the interview. I already did my best on the proposal and the interview, so it all depends on luck now. I thought my boss would not be able to attend my interview because his son suddenly broke his leg on that day. But he tried his best to show up in my interview, I feel so touching because that is really the time that I need him the most!!! I think my chance of being admitted is still very low because I did not have good answers for some of the harsh questions from the professors during the interview. I will know the result tomorrow or Wednesday¡K..damn, I am very nervous now!!!!

I was like sitting on a roller coaster on these days, every day full of worries, nervousness, up and down emotions which I could not have any control of it. I am always a ¡§happy-go-lucky¡¨ kind of person, but this time I was completely weighed by the stress. I know my boss is alwasy very worry about my study and my future. He really wants me to get into the PHD program, but he is also worrying that my chance of getting into the program is not very good. I can totally feel his nervousness and anxieties which also make me feel very stressful. For me, I just feel that if I can get in, that¡¦s great; if not, I apply it again next year or may be there is something better waiting for me in the future. But his worries and nervousness make me cannot have these kind of thinking anymore¡K I am worry, and feel like it is the end of the world if I fail the interview. I lose my strength¡K I know he just wants me to do good, but after listening of what he said on several of his phone calls today, it seems like more than 100000 stones on my heart. The pressures make me cannot breath, I just took a walk outside for an hour to make myself feel better. But after I got back to the office, I cannot breath again and the stones on my heart seems heavier which make me cannot even sit straight.

I am a happy gal with no stress, no pressure, why, what happens with me now?

Again, haven't write Xanga for so long.... During these few months in Hong Kong, too many things happen, and of course, I don't even think of those things will ever happen in my life. I learn and I change a lot after I came back from Canda, just because too many sudden and unexpected things happen in my life which force me to grow up. Anyway, I guess that is a good change for me. 

Now I am waiting for the interview for my Phd study. I never think of I can have a chance for the interview. I always think that I am the wrost applicant among all those applications from Hong Kong and China, so my chance of being admitted is close to zero. My boss is even more nervous than me while he is waiting for the result of the application, when he knows that I can have the interview, the smile on his face is even bigger and happier than me. I feel so touching of his concerns on me, just because I never feel that there is anyone in the world who ever care about my study, work and future. I am sure that without his help, I cannot finish of writing a good proposal for the phd application, and I will never have a chance for the interview. Anyway, I guess I shouldn't spend too much time on writing the xanga, and need to word hard for preparing the interview. I really hope I can get into the program...so if there is anyone who read my Xanga, please wish me luck on the interview!